University of Florida stole my identity

carolinacastro81
4 days ago
3 min read

I don’t have enough evidence to take legal action, but there must be something I can do to reclaim myself

By: Carolina Castro

Credit: @missgrangerrr on Pinterest

Everyone says college is the time where you experience the most growth - you’re finally on your own, forging your own path and should be, in theory, discovering yourself.

Why haven’t I?

I find the entire premise of self discovery during this time illogical. Sure, we’re now “independent” for, in most cases, the first time in our lives, but I’ve found this to only bring on insecurity, discomfort, and a serious spike in my people-pleasing tendencies.

While I try to put myself out there and find what I enjoy, I’m putting on a fake persona to appeal to whoever I’m talking to in the hopes that it will lead to some sort of meaningful connection. I even say yes to most opportunities hoping one will change my life, but I’m met with disappointment almost every time.

Before moving to Gainesville, I had a routine: school, work, parties on the weekends, and occasional yoga classes on free evenings. I was comfortable and could be myself because I knew everyone around me. While the prospect of being in a completely new environment sounded exciting at first, losing this sense of belonging has left me feeling like a complete phony.

I now avoid talking to my peers in classes - what if they think I’m weird for introducing myself or, God forbid, I somehow wore my clothes inside out from leaving in such a rush for my 8 a.m. and now I look insane (only happened once).

I try not to let my anxieties and irrational thoughts get the better of me. But, it’s difficult in a time where I’m scrambling to build the same soulmate-level friendships I had back home, but have no idea how to.

Against my will, I have begun to conform to the SEC lifestyle to alleviate my fears of being perceived negatively. I wear athleisure all day, even when I’m not going to the gym, my voice is now unnaturally high pitched to sound more bubbly, and I force a smile whenever I walk through Plaza to seem approachable.

I did none of this back home and, while some may see this as growth or self-discovery, I see it as a loss of my true self.

I can’t remember what it was like to walk into a room and feel completely comfortable, going up to every person to ask about their day with no fear. Even though I’ve joined several organizations I love deeply and met people I adore, I yearn for the old me that had complete faith in her tight-knit community and herself.

The question now is: What can I do? I have tried the classic route of joining way too many clubs until I found the right fit, as well as reading classic literature such as “How to Win Friends and Manipulate People,” but nothing has resolved my identity crisis.

My new solution is to give up and embrace the fact that the rest of my college career might just be spent uncomfortably. This sounds morbid, but I look forward to being scared if it means I’m putting myself out there and trying new things.

While in the past I go in with high expectations and get disappointed, if I go in expecting the worst, things can only go up!

While UF stole my identity and I don’t know if I can ever get it back, I’m fine with sticking to my new persona. The only thing I can hope for is that I don’t have to sit through a OneStop six-hour line to update my information to match my latest self.

Carolina is a second-year Marketing major and is clearly going through an identity crisis. Please send her advice to @caarolinacaastro on Instagram.