Men actually aren’t performative enough
- carolinacastro81
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
As the performative male population grows, so do the chances of them actually becoming decent human beings.
By: Carolina Castro
Performative men: We all love to make fun of them and refer to them as a rapidly growing epidemic, but what if I told you they’re not spawning quickly enough?
Sure, it’s annoying to have a man share common interests with you only to find out it was all a lie to get you in bed. But I believe we can use these facades to our advantage as women.
The performative male is defined by the ever-trusted Urban Dictionary as a man who “reads books by women authors, drinks matcha, and carries a tote bag with a Labubu pinned to it.” All of these traits can greatly help us in the long run.
Firstly, and most importantly, performative men tend to read, or at least claim to read, feminist literature. When you see a guy openly reading his hard copy of The Bell Jar on the Plaza of The Americas lawn, laying on his picnic blanket, you may immediately run at the sight of him. Instead, I suggest you ask him to tell you his favorite quote, maybe even dig deeper and ask for his other favorite work by Sylvia Plath.
While a performative male at hand may have bought the book just to attract women like a peacock with his mighty feathers, he may one day actually read the book. Furthermore, he may feel touched by the message and want to read more of Plath’s works, and move on to other iconic female writers.
This faux-reading scheme most performative men put on can lead to an actual movement toward basic empathy for the female experience, and we have to encourage it before they become discouraged.
Moving on to the matcha of it all, a green tea-based concentrated powder used to make lattes and a plethora of other drinks. Performative men think that drinking this will somehow make women fall at their feet, even if they hate the drink and think it tastes like grass (as I do, no offense).
Matcha also has incredible health benefits, including its L-theanine content, which promotes relaxation and reduces stress. By getting men to begin drinking matcha more often, frat tailgates may become safe spaces surrounded by calm presences, for once.
While it might be annoying to have some guy named Chad wasting the matcha supply, its benefits just might outweigh this downside.
As I write this, I am sitting at a coffee shop minding my own business. While I wish I was joking, a finance bro wearing an Arcteryx fleece, just sat next to me and has taken it upon himself to point out my red flats and call me the Wicked Witch of the East, unprompted. No copy of The Bell Jar in sight, sipping a straight black coffee. A performative man drinking a matcha would never make a comment like that.
The final touch of performative men is the tote bags they always seem to be carrying around. If you were to ever cross the threshold and enter a relationship with one, he would be the one carrying all of your belongings and having to search through the never-ending black hole that is a tote. Much less of a burden on you, and your shoulders get an incredibly well-deserved break. Seems like a win-win situation to me.
Once again, I know performative men can be annoying, manipulative, obnoxious and so much more, but I say we have to encourage them to keep going for the sake of womankind. It might start off as an act, but soon enough we might all be surrounded by genuinely nice men that just want to crank some Clairo - and who am I to object!
Carolina is a second-year marketing major who has a boyfriend, but is simply trying to look out for her fellow Gator girls. Keep performing for us men of Gainesville!