I hope we’re friends in every lifetime

shelbyahickman
20 hours ago
4 min read

Stay close to those who make you feel like you’re standing in the sun, even on the cloudiest of days.

By: Shelby Hickman

On the surface, “Sex and the City” may appear to be a show about dating, men, shoes and, of course, sex. But at its core, it’s a show about the power of strong female friendships, shown through the lens of Carrie Bradshaw and her three best friends — Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.

“They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style,” Carrie once said.

Yet, just like fashion and the weather, friendships change throughout different seasons of life.

From elementary to high school, and now into my twenties, my friendships have grown and changed with me. I’ve made new friends and lost some along the way, grown closer with some (despite physical distance) and navigated a whole new group of friends in college after moving 1,000 miles away from home.

As I approach graduation in only six weeks, I’ve taken the time to reflect on everything I’ve learned and observed about friendships throughout my 22 years on earth. And of course, I’ve asked my friends, family and fellow Rowdy staffers for their input as well. Without further ado, here are a few of the conclusions I’ve come to:

One of the most important things you can do for your friends is support them.

The results of my very advanced and scientific surveying methods (a Google form) show that, to many people, the most important quality of a friend is their supportiveness.

There are so many ways to show you support someone. From sending a congratulatory text to having flowers delivered to their door, showing that you care comes in all shapes and sizes.

You may not always agree with your friends' choices, but it's important to support them regardless. No one likes to hear “I told you so” (even if you did in fact tell them so).

Be a “villager.”

I saw a TikTok talking about how “everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager,” meaning that there are people out there who will expect you to show up for them but won’t do the same for you. Of course, this only applies to some people (I, for one, have an incredible village with the greatest villagers I could possibly ask for).

I’ve found that there are certain people who will only show up for you when it’s convenient for them. But sometimes, you have to put aside your personal preferences in order to be a good friend. For example, even if you’re not the biggest fan of the restaurant your friend chose for their birthday dinner, go anyway. Order a plate of fries or something else that’s hard to mess up and celebrate your friend.

As children, we were always told, “treat people the way you want to be treated.” And it truly is that simple. Show up for your friends, and they’ll show up for you.

I am incredibly lucky that I have friends who show up for me time and time again. Because I’m feeling sappy while writing this, I just wanted to say that I love you guys.

True friends will never make you feel like you have to change to be accepted.

I’m guilty of altering my personality and adapting my mannerisms around certain people. Not because I’m being fake, but because I’m terrified that I won’t be accepted for who I am.

Around my people, I never feel this way.

Your true friends will accept you as you are. They’ll accept the good, the bad and the ugly. If they don’t, they’re not your real friends.

Proximity changes things.

Long-distance friendships are interesting, especially when they become that way due to college or a new job. As children, we make friends at school who are usually easy to maintain since we see them every day. Outside of this organizational structure, it's not always as easy.

I’ve found that adult friendships can be harder to maintain because they require more effort. Those who put in the effort, though, are worth holding onto. I advise you to hold them tight and keep them close.

In an era where we have the world at our fingertips, in most cases there is no excuse to let true friendships fade due to a lack of communication. A change in distance may require a change in communication with a bit of a learning curve — but this is normal.

Now, before anyone comes after me with torches and pitchforks for implying they’re a bad friend, let me explain myself.

There are plenty of exceptions and reasons for drifting from long-distance friends: starting a new job, dealing with mental illness, having a child, you name it. These are all completely normal and valid reasons.

I’m talking about ignoring texts and phone calls for no good reason and without an explanation. Seeing the messages and missed calls… and just leaving them there. Unless you’re trying to cut someone off by ignoring them until the end of time, call your friends back.

In short, what I’m really trying to say is that friendship is a two-way street, and you get what you give. Pick up the phone and make the call. Send the text. Tell your people that you love them.

As we all know, friendships, like all relationships, are complicated. They have their ups and downs, and sometimes, friends will come and go like the seasons. Fair weather friends, if you will.

Out of everything I’ve learned from my many friendships, the most important lesson is this: hold on tight to the year-round friends. The ones who keep you warm during your winters and stand next to you while the sun sets over your summers.

Whatever you do, don’t let them go.

Shelby Hickman is a fourth-year sports and media journalism student with a minor in public relations. She loves romcoms, Philly sports, and her corgi, Cheddar, amongst other things. Most importantly, she loves her friends.