The Intricate Dance of Female Friendships

Jul 17, 20243 min read

Navigating the nuances and complexities of being a woman in your 20s, while also going through it with other women in your 20s.

A guest column by Camila Ruiz-Cortes

Female friendships in adulthood are a kaleidoscope of emotional depth, evolving identities, and shifting priorities. Unlike the seemingly effortless bonds we formed in our youth, adult friendships are often more intricate, influenced by life changes and societal expectations. While incredibly rewarding, these relationships navigate a landscape filled with complexities that can enrich and challenge the connections between friends. Inspired by Charli XCX’s album, “Brat,” which delves into themes of empowerment and self-discovery, exploring the realm of female friendships unveils a tapestry woven with both strength and vulnerability.

At its core, the essence of female friendships is built on a foundation of understanding, empathy, and shared experiences. From childhood playmates to lifelong soulmates, these relationships evolve through phases of growth, challenge, and change. They provide this sanctuary, haven, a place to seek solace. Yet, within this closeness lies a paradox: the potential for deep emotional investment also opens avenues for conflict and misunderstanding. The stereotype of “frenemies” isn’t entirely unfounded; jealousy, competition, and differing expectations can strain even the closest of bonds. For example, the tensions between artists like Charli XCX and Lorde, who have been publicly scrutinized and even pitted against each other in media narratives, reflect broader societal tendencies to sensationalize and exaggerate female conflicts. Social media, while connecting us globally, also fuels comparisons and encourages a culture of judgment and rivalry among women. These instances highlight the importance of critically examining how media representation impacts perceptions of female relationships, often distorting genuine connections into narratives of conflict and competition.

Historically, society has pitted women against each other, fostering a sense of competition and self-doubt. Girls are conditioned to compare themselves to others, which can persist through adulthood. Whether through media portrayals, societal expectations, or ingrained cultural norms, women are subtly encouraged to see each other as threats rather than potential friends. This notion, deeply engrained through centuries of patriarchal influence, often casts women as rivals in various spheres of life– be it for romantic partners, career opportunities, or social standing. This divisive mentality can often seep into friendships, creating tension and undermining solidarity that could otherwise flourish. One of my favorite authors and feminist thinkers, Bell Hooks, said “To solve the problem of female self-hatred, we have to critique sexist thinking, militantly oppose it, and simultaneously create new images, new ways of seeing ourselves.”

Maintaining and supporting female friendships is a conscious effort to celebrate each other’s success and offer support during our struggles, recognizing that another woman’s achievements do not diminish one’s worth.

These friendships, built on a shared history and deep emotional bonds, have been a source of comfort and strength during my life’s most challenging moments. They are my confidantes, my cheerleaders, my pillars of support. As Bell Hooks wisely stated, “Love is the foundation on which we build the house of our dreams. It’s a house with many rooms. Relationships are part of the house but aren’t everything and never could be.” This sentiment encapsulates the beauty and complexity of female friendships. They are an essential part of our lives, enriching us with love, support, and understanding.

Ultimately, embracing the intricacies of female friendships allows us to grow, to be vulnerable, and to find strength in our shared experiences. In a world that often seeks to divide, nurturing these bonds is an act of resilience and love, paving the way for a more supportive and empowered community of women.