The Dating Bar is on the Floor

A guest column by Ginger Koehler

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Women inspire me in so many ways. Our strength through hardship, vulnerability, and pursuit of joy will never cease to amaze me. But there is one thing I wish my sex would do better on, and that is the celebration of male romantic mediocrity. 

“He texted me to come over last night. I think he really likes me!”

“He told me he would never seriously consider dating me, and I just really am into how honest he is.”

“He’s such a sweetheart, he didn’t even pressure me to have sex with him.”

If this is you, I need you to stand the hell up.

And feminists, I know what you are screaming, “Our standards are so low because the men are not stepping up and this is the best we can get.” And I feel that sentiment so deeply in my soul. Most young men in the dating field are not living up to fairytale expectations right now. Scratch that, they aren’t living up to any expectations. But all I’m saying is that doesn’t mean we must stand for it.

Hear me out here. I’m going to make a comparison to the 50s, but I know it isn’t an entirely fair comparison due to the nuance of sexism and injustice at the time. Nevertheless, hearing this finally clicked some things in my brain.

In the 50s, if a man wanted sex with an average woman he had to, at minimum, take her on some dates, be a gentleman, and maybe ask her to go steady. Why was that? It wasn’t because men were better. NO! Men, and I’m speaking generically, will do the bare minimum for a piece of dat ass. It was because WOMEN set the bar higher. Before that, you had to marry a girl to screw her. 

I’m not saying I want to go back to the 50s. What I am saying is that most women I know want to go on real dates and have potential relationships. But the hookup culture we settle for allows men to get sex for less. So men do the bare minimum and instead of raising our standards we, as women, keep them low and give credit for romance when it isn’t due.

As any intelligent human knows, I’m not talking about everyone. Some women love hookups. Some men are Prince Charming, I’m lucky enough to have one of my own. Do you know why I’m lucky enough to have one of my own? Because I made it clear from the jump that I wouldn’t settle for less. Many came before him that didn’t reach the standard. I had to move on, and it sucked. But I was worse for the wear when I had no standards and settled for the bare minimum. This mindset is a long-term investment. But I promise you, if your person comes along, they will meet your standards. Allowing men to do the bare minimum isn’t fun, it isn't feminist, and it doesn’t have to be our future. 

I’m begging you, stop cheering on men who are not putting in the work.