The Anatomy Of a Love Triangle

shelbyahickman
2 days ago
4 min read

Because everyone loves a little drama

By: Shelby Hickman

It’s a tale as old as time. Girl meets boy. They fall in love. Do they live happily ever after?

Of course not, it’s never that simple.

Enter a third party. Perhaps the male love interest’s brother, a past lover, an old friend, you name it.

And while these love stories are sometimes a bit farfetched, they’ve captivated audiences on screens and in pages for decades.

This trope is not just something invented by Hollywood to keep the money flowing in; there is actually some science behind it. It’s called the Triangular Theory of Love, coined by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg in 1986.

Sternberg's theory posits that love is made up of three components which form a triangle: intimacy, passion and commitment. It then breaks down the eight types of love that one may experience. Three of these only involve one side of the triangle, three involve two sides, and two involve all sides. Let me break them down for you.

Friendship

Friendship only requires intimacy. In order to maintain a friendship, you have to feel some sort of closeness or bond toward each other, but commitment and passion aren’t required.

Infatuation

This type of love requires only passion, for example, love at first sight. It grows very quickly without any real time to develop intimate feelings or commitment. Infatuation may feel most familiar to our generation, and full transparency, I experience it whenever I see tall tatted men with giant biceps at the bar.

Empty Love

Commitment without intimacy or passion. This is generally how most arranged marriages begin. It does have the potential to grow to encompass other forms of love, but its beginning is rooted only in the act of loyalty.

Romantic Love

Ah, young love. All the passion and intimacy with none of the commitment. Think of our favorite star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet, who shared a whirlwind romance of passion and intimacy without any real commitment to one another (besides the obvious one).

Not everyone is destined to suffer their tragic fate, though. Sometimes romantic love has what it takes to achieve all three components. Or sometimes it's doomed to remain a tumultuous situationship with a mediocre looking frat boy. Only time can tell.

Companionate Love

This exists when intimacy and commitment are present but passion is not. This could be a long-term friendship or a lengthy marriage where physical attraction is no longer present. My friends and I often joke that if we are all still single at 50, we’ll just buy a house on the Cape and be life companions… doesn’t sound like a bad deal to me.

Fatuous Love

These relationships have commitment and passion but no intimacy. Generally, an intimate connection takes time to develop, and fatuous relationships are notoriously short lived. For example, Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman's “union” that Rodman filed an annulment for after 9 days.

Acquaintance or Nonlove

This occurs when none of the components are present. Take your barista at Starbucks, for instance Sure, they may have done an amazing job making your brown sugar shaken espresso, but that's usually not enough for you to feel any type of way.

The ‘Ideal’ Relationship

This has all three components: Intimacy, passion and commitment. While it may not be the ideal relationship for everyone, to Sternberg it is.

After analyzing some famous love triangles and organizing them based on these eight categories of love, I’ve come to a few conclusions.

The surviving relationship in the love triangle generally has all three components.
Jeremiah and Belly failed because they had two things- intimacy and passion- but lacked a key third. Commitment is so your look, Connie Baby.
Bella and Jacob had companionate love. Their relationship was more than a friendship, but it lacked intimacy. Meanwhile, her and Edward had all 3. Hey Siri, play A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.
Elena, Damon, and Stefan’s complicated relationship from The Vampire Diaries is a tough one to put under one category. At one point Elena had all three components of a successful relationship with both brothers. But, as Elena grew and changed throughout the show, who she finally ended up with reflected that.
Jane, Rafael, and Michael from Jane the Virgin is another example of how,once again, the female protagonist has potential for a successful relationship with both at one time. Jane’s journey of self discovery throughout the series is reflected in her ultimate choice.

While writing this, I took the time to reflect on my own relationships and realized I’ve experienced a great deal of companionate love in my 21 years of life. One of my favorite authors, Dolly Alderton once said, “nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learned in my long-term friendships with women.” I am incredibly lucky that I can relate to this.

Whether it's through friendship, infatuation or one of the other forms of love, we’ve all experienced a part of the triangle. And throughout life, we’ll probably experience a couple more. On that note, I’ll leave you with this: In a world of Jeremiahs, always be a Conrad.

Shelby Hickman is a fourth year sports and media journalism student with a minor in public relations. She loves romcoms, Philly sports, and her corgi, Cheddar, amongst other things. Her favorite love triangle is Edward, Bella and Jacob from Twilight, and no, she does not care that it’s a generic answer. #TeamEdward4Life