It’s the season of giving, but who should you be giving to?
( Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition / Unsplash )
We’ve all probably had our fair share of fuck buddies. Some have turned into more, some ended badly, and some were good just being what they were. These relationships can have their difficulties from time to time. Sometimes you don’t know where you stand with the other. Are they good just fucking? Do they want more?
The holidays add another layer to the dilemma. It’s the season of giving and you want to show your appreciation to those close to you. But, should you get a gift for them?
Unfortunately, there’s no clear- cut, yes or no answer. It all depends on the status of your relationship, how you want it to progress and, ultimately, your own judgement.
If you just booty call each other every so often, don’t really talk when you hang out or you’re just, in the simplest form, fucking, you probably don’t need to get them a gift.
If you hang out outside of having sex, or just have a lot of fun when you are fucking, you might be considering getting them a gift. Maybe you want to escalate the relationship, but don’t want to scare them off. Or you like things the way they are and don’t want them to change?
The first thing to consider is the meaning behind giving a gift.
Studies have found that gift giving in early relationships is often a form of reciprocal exchange that makes the giver feel good and makes the receiver feel appreciated. It also is a great way to help maintain and escalate relationships.
But, there are pros and cons to giving. Receiving a gift can make one feel gracious and increase their attraction towards the giver, but it can also make one feel obligated to the giver and there’s no guarantee of reciprocation.
These negative feelings often come if a gift is too large, or too often given. So, if you do decide to give your fuck buddy a gift, stick to a single gift that is representative of the state of your relationship.
So, what to get them?
Let’s assume fuck buddies fall onto a scale: just fucking on one end and a step away from dating on the other. As you slide down the scale your gifts can become (slightly) larger and more personal.
On the lower end of the scale, try and stick to a gag-ish gift: something small and sexy. Elite Daily recommends the Trojan Pleasure Pack. A mix of twisted, intense, her pleasure and warming condoms help to add a little extra spice to your sex life. What’s better than the gift of safe sex?
Moving slightly up the scale, if you’re fucking your partner and like things just the way they are, we suggest the A Year of Sex! Sexual Position Card Game. The game takes sex positions from the Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian Sanskrit text on sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment. The game is a perfect way to introduce new positions into sex and helps to make sure your routine doesn’t get stale. Plus, it’s essentially like you’re giving a gift to yourself — the gift of a fulfilling sex life.
Let’s say you’ve been fucking your partner for a little while now. You guys hang out before and after sex, and maybe even outside of each others homes. Now’s the time to think back on the conversations you’ve had. Their gift should reflect their interests and hobbies, but should still be relatively small. Or if you’ve noticed something they use often, or are lacking something in their home, that could be a solid gift idea. For example, if they always have candles burning when you come over, get them a candle in a scent you like.
If you’re really torn, just ask your partner if they’d like to exchange gifts. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, and can help with the communication in your relationship. Just say, “Hey, I was putting together my gift list for friends and family and was wondering if you’d want to exchange gifts?” You can explain the gifts would be small and add anything else you feel is relevant, or just leave it at the question.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to get your fuck buddy a gift, and what to get them, falls to your own judgement. If you don’t want to get them a gift, don’t. If you do want to get them one, then get them one. No need to stress over it.
Rachel Kutcher is a Staff Writer for Rowdy Magazine. She loves the rain, candles, drinking wine, collecting jars and New Girl's Nick Miller. Her passions include destigmatizing sex, empowering women and sustainability.