Advice on giving feedback to exes, bottoming and more!
(@sophia.sanders / Rowdy Magazine Graphic Designer)
Rowdy After Dark is an unfiltered, inclusive and sex-positive column by and for college students. Do you have a burning sex or relationship question you’d like answered? Send it to us here*.
*Questions may be anonymous
Since I started Rowdy After Dark a few months ago, we’ve received a flood of diverse questions about gender, sexuality and relationships. We’ve picked our favorite or most relevant topics to spend full articles diving into – but we’ve also received some shorter, more succinct questions that don’t necessarily require as long of a response. However, these questions are still important, so here’s a “speed round” of some of your shorter Rowdy After Dark submissions.
Is it the responsibility of an ex to inform their ex partner of their flaws?
Is it your responsibility? Absolutely not. It’s not your responsibility to make anybody a better person. You owe people kindness, sure, but telling an ex everything that’s wrong with them might not necessarily come across that way – no matter how satisfying it may feel for you. It also heavily depends on the relationship you have with your ex that separates this from being relatively harmless to massively chaotic. If you’re still friends and are able to talk openly about your past together, it might be easier to gently work this constructive criticism into a conversation. But if you haven’t talked in several weeks and are blocked on half of their social media accounts, perhaps it’s a good idea to sit this one out.
Either way, in your question you made it pretty clear where you stand. So if it’s going to nag at you until you do it, then go for it. Just keep in mind that even though you think you’ll be doing a noble thing and making them better for it, they might let their pride get in the way from receiving it that way.
And the fact is, you just can’t change anybody who doesn’t want to change themselves.
I think it would be sick if y’all talked about the erasure of queer sex ed in schools or just queer sex topics in general!
I agree! Talking about queer sex topics and getting rid of the air of mystery that surrounds them is one of the best ways to fight stigma. This is one of the main reasons I wanted to start this kind of column since there are a plethora of sex-positive outlets and yet many of them still lack informative and relevant discourse about queer topics. It’s been really exciting to cover questions about lesbian sex, bisexuality, internalized homophobia and asexuality through Rowdy After Dark. I also recently wrote about how sex education in America is lacking and specifically that of queer sex ed. Luckily, there are some other really great platforms out there that focus on closing that gap in knowledge about queer sex topics. One of my favorite resources for questions about queer sexuality is the Savage Lovecast. Some other informational outlets that may be worth your consideration are GLSEN and Planned Parenthood. And as always, if you have specific questions that you’d like advice or information on, please send them into the column and I’d be happy to feature them!
Bottoming is scary because I don't know how to clean my ass because I can't see it. How do I work around this?
Although I don’t think you necessarily need to see your bottom to give it a good wash in the shower, it wouldn’t hurt to get creative —– bring in a mirror and play around with some angles and you should be good to go. For more in-depth info on how to safely prepare yourself for bottoming, try this article by Future Method’s Dr. Evan Goldstein.
Where can I get STD tested on campus?
This answer is going to be specific to the University of Florida, but plenty of schools offer similar resources; if you attend a different university, a quick google search for “STD testing” + “[your school’s name]” should give you the results you’re looking for.
At UF, there’s a few options for getting tested. You can receive sexual health services at the Student Healthcare Center, which includes STI testing, but it also provides prevention and treatment services. This is where you’ll want to go if you’re experiencing symptoms, like pain, itchiness, a rash or unusual discharge; make an appointment with your regularly assigned medical team at the SHCC first.
Asymptomatic students can make an appointment at the GYT (“Get Yourself Tested”) Clinic. For a $15 fee, you can get tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and HIV, with results being given in about two weeks.
Finally, GatorWell typically provides free HIV testing, by appointment only. However, due to circumstances regarding COVID-19, this service is temporarily not being offered. Instead, GatorWell is promoting alternatives in the community, such as at Planned Parenthood and The Alachua County Health Department.